Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Why are YOU voting Democrat?

Why I'm voting Democrat. . .:



. . . because Barbara Walters is my idol and so is P.Diddy.


. . . because it's the COOL thing to do. I'm hip and in the majority.



. . . because English has no place being the official language in America.



. . . because I want America to be Europe's prosthetic limb.


. . . because I think we all should be equal...equally unhappy and unsuccessful.


. . . because the government knows how to raise children better than parents do.

. . . because Barack Obama is better than you, and he knows it!

. . . because skin color and good oratory skills are more important than judgment and experience.



. . . because I'd rather pay $4 for a gallon of gas than allow drilling for oil off the coasts of America.

. . . because oil companies' 5% profit on a gallon of gas are obscene, but government taxes of 18% on the same gallon of gas are just fine.



. . . because I think the government will do a better job of spending my money than I could.



. . . because when we pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq, I know the Islamic terrorists will stop trying to kill us because they'll think we're a good and decent country.



. . . because I believe people who can't tell us if it will rain in two or three days, can now tell us the polar ice caps will disappear in ten years if I don't start riding a bicycle, build a windmill or inflate my tires to proper levels.



. . . because it's alright to kill millions of babies as long as we keep violent, convicted murderers on death row alive.



. . . because I believe businesses in America should not be allowed to make profits. Businesses should just break even and give the rest to the government so politicians and bureaucrats can redistribute the money the way they think it should be redistributed.



. . . because I believe guns, and not the people misusing them, are the cause of crimes and killings.



. . . because when someone with a weapon threatens my family or me, I know the government can respond faster through a call to 911 than I can with a gun in my hand.



. . . because I believe three or four elitist liberals should rewrite the Constitution every few months to suit some fringe element that could never get their agenda past voters.



. . . because illegal aliens are not criminals, are not sucking up resources through government aid, hospital services, education, or social services, but are just people trying to make a better life by coming to America illegally. We can't blame them for that, can we?



. . . because the same teacher that didn't teach my child to read can reasonably educate them about sex.



. . . because my trial lawyer's crippling multi-million dollar lawsuits against doctors, hospitals, drug companies, and HMO's will make health insurance and medicine much more affordable.



. . . because Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan, and Jesse Jackson will end racism once and for all.



. . . because Christians in the Republican Party are intolerant, theocratic warmongers and atheists like William Ayers have never hurt anybody.



. . . so that no family member of mine will die in a hospital bed. They will still be waiting in line for Obama's socialized medicine, so they will never actually make it into a hospital bed.



. . . because I like eminent domain and big business and government kicking me out of my home and taking my land.



. . . because everyone knows that raising taxes at the top won't hurt people at the bottom.



. . . because protecting barren wasteland is more important than energy indepedence.



. . . because my college professor told me that America is evil and should give up its place in the world.



. . . because I believe that Cuba, Russia, and China should be on the United Nations Human Rights Council.



. . . because I believe that everyone is essentially good -- even people like Ahmadinejad who call for the destruction of Israel. He just needs a little understanding.



. . . because we should all be forced to drive ugly cars with the horsepower of a riding lawnmower.



. . . because I believe in change; although I don't know WHAT the change will be, or HOW it will happen, AND I am pretty sure that I won't WANT to actually change anything I do, but still....I believe in change.



. . . because I want the rich to work harder, give me their money, and pay for my services so I don't have to.



. . . because I don't give to charity or do volunteer work and then I complain about how selfish everyone else is.



. . . because I've seen welfare help so many poor people become self-sufficient and upwardly mobile.



. . . because I'm not driven enough to realize my dreams without the government holding my hand the entire way.



. . . because life just isn't fair and I deserve what other people have without working for it.

. . . because for some reason "change, change, change"..is the mantra for the obama camp... even though he won't explain what 'change' is...



. . . because I like hearing the word "Change" 50 million times in presidential debate, seeing the word on celebrities' t-shirts and bags, on signs outside of million dollar houses, and know that the only change that is going to happen is that the big white house in Washington D.C. is going to say good-bye to one politician, and hello to another... And you know what they say... "how can you tell if a politician is lying?"



. . . because I like how democrats can cause financial crises' like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and have the temerity to blame them on Republicans.



. . . because Obama was endorsed by Hamas and terrorists endorsements are a must to achieve world peace.



. . . because I listen to and believe all the celebrities/actors who so passionately want Obama to win because I can't think for myself at all. The same celebrities who WE make rich because we GO SEE their movies and watch their T.V. shows put millions of dollars into their pockets! but...these multi-million dollar celebs are so disheartened by AMERICAN ways and the capitalistic economy we have and the world will come to and end if another Republican comes into office...hmmmmm...



. . . because "Hillary said I should still vote Democrat no matter whose on the ticket."

. . . because of the War on Terror. We have not been attacked once since Sept. 11, 2001, but I still don't feel safe.



. . . because communist economics always work. Look how well off the Soviet Union is right now. That wall in Berlin has never looked better.



. . . because I agree with Joe Biden, that it really is patriotic to pay more taxes. So I'm going to pay a "direct tax." Instead of wasting time giving it to the government for redistribution, I will give my money to derelicts who loiter outside of liquor stores and methadone clinics. That's where it ends up anyway. 

YES WE CAN ... screw up this country like never before.

Friday, July 4, 2008

When you find something great...

You just gotta' share it with the world...

Happy Independence Day everyone - find someone whose fought for our freedom and thank them with a salute or a hug...  Then thank God - wait...  thank God first, then find yourself a veteran...

-Benjamin

as a post script to this post, I want to make sure I give credit to the artist of these illustrations...  His name is Richard Gunther, a friend of Ray Comfort's - I highly admire his work, therefore, you will, no doubt, be seeing more of his work from time to time here on my Blog...  Great job Richard, you are blessed...

Monday, May 26, 2008

For the record...

I am neither a Republican NOR am I a Democrat.  In fact, you might classify me as an "anti-politico" if you wanted to slap me with a label...  There really isn't any one party which defines the qualities and characteristics that I look for when considering a certain individual for public office...


But this just made me laugh out loud...


Sunday, December 9, 2007

Just so's you know...

I do in fact, have a sense of humor - just in case you've read my previous entries and thought to yourself, "boy, does this guy ever crack a joke???"


That's why I thought I would share a funny moment from just the other day.  I've been away from my wife, Rachel, and children, Jonathan and Hannah for the past 2 weeks while performing Annual Training with my Navy Reserve Unit.  So my main point of contact with them has been through iChat on our Apple Computers...

Though, the story I'm going to share wasn't one that I actually was blessed to witness on camera, the visual imagery that it will convey should stop you from wishing you were there...

So anyway, Rachel had just completed an afternoon feeding with Hannah while Jonathan played quietly at her feet.  With Hannah full of food and well contented, it was time for a pat on the back to release the trapped gases.  (Mom's and men who are secure in their masculinity know that I'm talking about burping the baby...)

In no time at all, our 3-month old bundle of joy turned into a geyser, redecorating the whole front of my wife's outfit.  Needless to say, wild horses could not have held back the hysterical laughter that tore out of the insides of my son Jonathan...

After a short grace period, Rachel told him that he needed to settle down - one thing to understand about my son is that when he finds something funny, you almost have to pinch him to get him to stop laughing...  So after another handful of seconds, my wife began taking it personally, almost as if he was laughing at her misfortune, rather than the eruption of gastric fluids that you just don't expect to see come bolting out of a little 10 pound beauty such as his little sister is...

Rachel told Jonathan that if he couldn't stop laughing, he would have to go to his room and settle down  before he could come back out...  Now, you'd think that a 4-year old would simply hear the suggestion of having to go to his room and stop the laughter immediately...

But not my boy...

He agreed - he should go to his room, this was just too funny to stop anytime soon...

If you've ever heard a story that just tickled your funny bone so much that it brought a tear to your eye, that was the feeling I was having at that moment.  Whatever I lack in the department of humor, that kid has in spades...  That's for sure.

I hope you laughed at least half as hard as I did...

God Bless you - until next time...


-Benjamin, The Sower